Prepare, Plan, and Practice!
I just finished listening to Chris Voss’s Never Split the Difference. WOW! Jam-packed with important connection, communication, and negotiation nuggets for your life and business. I absolutely recommend it and in fact, I have already coached some of my leadership clients to make it their next read/listen. In one chapter, Chris talks about the intricate planning and strategizing that goes into the negotiation of a hostage including the types of questions he will ask during the negotiation, and then he says;
“When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion, you fall to your highest level of preparation!” Chris Voss
So bold! Not sugarcoating a fairy tale Idea that you will magically be ready for the challenge of conflict, performance management, or a difficult conversation is so damn refreshing! Pulling horseshoes out of your butt might happen occasionally, but in order to have effective, healthy, or productive conversations, we gotta do the work. In business, we need to Prepare, Pan, and Practice how to manage conflict and have hard conversations. Even if remaining in a relationship with the person across the table from you is not a priority for you, how you act inside the conversation is a reflection of your knowledge, professionalism, integrity, and character.
“Your quality will be known among your enemies before ever you meet them!” Kingdom of Heaven, movie
So how do you Prepare, Plan, and Practice for a professional conversation?
Prepare
Know who the other person/side is. Names, authority levels, background if possible, anything that will help you relate to them as a person instead of the Darth Vader enemy you have created in your mind.
List your goal. This includes your lofty goal, your fair/target goal, and your rock-bottom goal. Remember, no deal is better than a bad deal.
Create your list of questions that you want to ask because you WILL come to the conversation with a “Seek to Understand” mentality ie. be curious about the other person/side’s position and perspective.
Plan
Take your list of questions and create open-ended questions. If the question elicits an answer of ‘yes’ or ‘no’, reword the question so that the person answering has room for dialogue and to share information.
Create the atmosphere for a safe conversation. Remove noise and technology distractions, set time and physical space aside, and if in person, host the individual like they were a guest in your home.
Prepare
Role play and practice. Find a colleague to practice your questions and listening skills. Practice mirroring and paraphrasing.
Practice mirroring and paraphrasing what your practice partner is saying. Practice this technique with anyone and everyone you can.
Practice hearing no. Make the offer to your practice partner and learn how to hear no and then regroup.
I acknowledge that many of the things I talk about above might be things you’re unfamiliar with, NEXT LEVEL can train and support you as you learn them. On the other hand, you might know all of the above but aren’t well versed in them. We can be your practice partner. Like sports, skills and techniques don’t come naturally when you first learn them, but if you commit to practicing them, come game time when the crowd is watching and the stress is up, you will fall to your highest level of well-prepared and confident!
